


Simon, Baz, and Gay Panics

by Fandomnetwork



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Kissing, M/M, Snow hasn't lost his powers yet, Watford (Simon Snow), Wayward Son? What's that?, feedback is defenitely appreciated, that's it. That's the plot., they're just gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:34:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23652397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandomnetwork/pseuds/Fandomnetwork
Summary: What if Simon left with Agatha and Penny that day and they didn’t start dating.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 7
Kudos: 63





	Simon, Baz, and Gay Panics

**Author's Note:**

> Full disclosure, the beginning doesn't make sense. This takes place after Christmas and assumes Snow doesn't lose his powers yet. 
> 
> Edit: Any feedback you guys have will be appreciated :)

“Don’t you own anything that isn’t a shade of Black or screams vampire king?” Simon asks. He is currently standing in front of my wardrobe, sifting through my clothes and tossing them over his shoulder in disapproval. 

“You have terrible manners Snow, didn’t your mother teach you not to mess someone’s room up?” I lean over and pick up the shirt near his feet. I stand up and lean closer. Simon moves back, his back hitting the door, as he glares at me, a light flush on his cheeks. I smirk. “Besides, it’s not all black-that one is grey”

“Shades of black” He places his chin on my shoulder and grins. I shake my head and look away.

“That’s blue” I pull out a shirt, raise my eyebrows. Simon rolls his eyes.

“Firstly, it’s dark blue. Secondly, it screams vampire king,” He says, running his fingers through the ruffles. 

“Vampires don’t have a king, Snow. It’s more like independent city states? But without rulers,” 

“You know what I mean you ass,” He shoves my shoulder lightly. I don’t budge. “I swear you had more modern clothes. You wore jeans on Christmas,” 

I bite my cheek. Hard.

“I left them home,” I say, leaning back against the door. “I have a reputation to uphold here,”

Snow raises his eyebrows and widens his eyes. “What, as dark and mysterious _trademark_ ”

I furrow my eyebrows, then shake my head. I don’t think I even want to know. 

“Yes, exactly,” 

Simon lets out a laugh. “Well I have news for you Mister Tyrann Basil Pitch”

I let out a snort. “Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch, you complete arse” 

He grins widely and it occurs to me that perhaps his plan was to make me laugh. 

“How do you not know my name? We’ve been roommates for what, six, seven years?”

He laughs again. Simon Snow’s laugh is as showy as his gulps. He leans forward towards you and his whole body vibrates. His golden curls bounce on his head and his eyes would twinkle. There is nothing in my crazed life that I love more than Simon Snow’s laugh. 

“Seven,” He says after a moment, moving closer. 

My breath hitches and I roll my eyes. He reaches up for a moment, and his fingers graze my cheek. If I had hunted today my face would be burning scarlet where he touches it. 

Simon’s touch feels like the lick of fire, a teasing pain that dares you to move closer. 

His eyes look like the beginning of that flame, and his hair a forest fire. I’m suddenly reminded of the power he holds over me. Simon Snow could tie me to my pyre and I wouldn’t argue. (I’d fight back, of course, no Pitch goes down without a fight. But the second he has me in his arms, I’m his)

He trails his fingertips down the side of my face. I gulp, my eyes fluttering shut as I try to ignore the heat in my gut. _Fuck._

His fingers make their way down my arm and then back up, his touch as light as a feather. 

“You-” I start when I felt my blood rushing south. “You should stop Snow,”

His fingers move away and I swallow again. Every part of my body is yelling at me for being an idiot. 

“I don’t-” I clear my throat, my eyes still closed. “I don’t want you to stop, but if you don’t stop now I won’t be able to stop myself from-”

“From what, Baz?” I feel him move closer to me. His breath is warm against my chin. I swallow again (I do that far too much around Snow. I feel like I’m gonna run out of saliva one of these days)

I shake my head and step back. My back hits the door and I realize that I am trapped; between Fire and a hard place, neither of them particularly desirable at the moment. (Snow is always desirable to be fair, but at this moment, kissing him may be the biggest mistake I can make) (At least to him) (Merlin knows I want to kiss him)

“Simon…” My voice is soft. His lips are so close to mine and so, _so_ warm. 

Snow smiles against my lips. “Let go Baz”

I think I’m on fire.

\---

I don’t have time to ask him what this means. Whether it means that he finally broke it off with Agatha, or if he’s gay, or at least bi? 

He is pulling me to the bed in an instant. His lips are moving against mine roughly, his hands are pulling my shirt out of my pants and moving underneath them. He won’t stop touching me. I can’t think. 

I don’t want him to stop touching me. 

A part of me argues to push him away. To sit and talk and figure out this complete disaster that is our relationship. (Or friendship? Or acquaintanceship? Enemies with benefits? I don’t even know) That’s the angle on my shoulder.

But I have never listened to that light. So I do what the devil asks me to do. I pull back and take off my shirt. 

For once I’m glad that this floor is ours. 

\---

The sun is setting outside our window. Snow is still kissing me. He has stripped to his boxers by now. I’m naked. I don’t know how we got here but I know I’m going to regret what I’m about to do.

“Stop-” I choke out. Snow’s lips are on my lips. So, _so_ close. I’m about to suffocate in this pleasure. I need to pull away. I need to _think_. 

Snow pulls away instantly, his eyebrows furrowed as he moves up and brushes my hair off my face. I think I might melt. “Are you okay?” He asks me, his lips are close to mine again. I look down so I don’t have to look at his scorching eyes. 

It’s a mistake because his lips….His lips are art and I’m so, _so_ weak when it comes to Simon Snow. I kiss him slowly, and he kisses me back. His hands move to my face as mine move to his hips. His body is setting me on fire. He is so warm despite the winter winds and I think I might let him do as he likes. 

His lips move down to my neck after a minute, leaving kisses of fire across my skin. _Oh Merlin_ , I think I’m already seeing stars. 

I push him at his shoulders slowly but insistently. _Fuck, I hate myself._

“Snow, stop-” I say softly between gasps. “Wait,”

Simon pulls away, and looks up at me again, his eyebrows furrowed and jaw tensed. I look away immediately knowing I’ll give in if I look at him for even a moment more.

“Simon,” I say. My eyes are closed and my head is tipped back. “Simon, we need to talk” 

I feel his body go rigid and I think he is going to run away again. Leave as he did on Christmas with Agatha and Penny. I open my eyes, hesitantly, and he nods. He smiles at me. It’s a half smile. An I’m-uncertatin-but-I-want-to-try smile. So I nod back.

\---

I put on my boxers and Simon hands me his sweater. I pull it over my bare body as I settle against the headboard of his bed and cross my legs. He sits near my legs, leaning against the wall. 

He gets off the bed again after a moment and I tense, but opens his wardrobe and brings out a blanket. He sits and looks down before pulling my feet onto him like he is afraid I’ll try to leave. I let him. He places the blanket over the two of us and takes a shaky breath. 

\---

The silence between us grows as the room grows darker. The only light in the room is from the moon and the Firefruit that Bunce enchanted to glow in the dark. It would make me laugh if it wasn’t so fucking endearing. 

Simon is glaring at my feet. His eyebrows are furrowed and his jaw tense. He doesn’t know where to start. I don’t think I do either.

“You left on Christmas,” I say. Maybe I do know how to start. He nods. Then shakes his head.

“I’m sorry,” He says. I want to shout at him. I want to scream and shake him until one of us figure out what to say. This silence is adding to the growing frustration in my bones. 

“Why did you leave?” 

“Agatha-”

I actually snort. “Of course”

“I’m sorry,” He says again and he looks at me. I shrug and look at the ceiling instead. 

“I wanted to stay,” He continues after a moment. “I wanted to be there with you. I didn’t want to leave you alone after finding out you got fucking kidnapped,” 

“But you did,” I say and then immediately regret it. 

“And I’d do anything to take it back,” He is trying to make eye contact. I keep looking at the ceiling like I don’t notice. He goes quiet after that.

“Why did you kiss me?” I ask him. 

“Which time?” He replies and I’m glad I can’t blush. 

“The first time,” There are so many things he could say. _Because I want you. Because I need you. Because I’m as helplessly in love with you as you are with me._

“I don’t know,” I snort again. “I wanted to,”

I shrug at that. 

“I mean it. I _really_ , _really_ wanted to, and…” He stops and grabs my feet. I almost pull them away. 

“And?”  
  
“And I haven’t stopped wanting to since then,” This time I look at him.

“And Wellbelove?”

“Agatha? What about her?”

I sneer at him. “What do you think Snow?”

He furrows his eyebrows at me again. “We broke up a while ago Baz,”

“And then you went off with her on Christmas,”

“Nothing happened between us!”

I sit up. “Nothing happened? At all?” 

He looks away. 

“Exactly,”

I stand up and begin to walk past him. I can’t deal with this, with him now. I might cry if I think too hard.

He catches my hand and I stop, like the pathetic, lovesick fool I am. 

“Baz. We kissed. Once. But then I told her that I couldn’t-” He sucks in a breath through his teeth. 

“Couldn’t what Simon?”

“Couldn't be with her. Couldn’t kiss her without wondering what you’d think,” He tugs on my hand and I turn. He stands up in front of me, his hand still holding mine, and he moves his free hand to my cheek. “I want to be with you Baz. Not her,”

I close my eyes and count to five and when I open them Snow is still here so I nod. He raises his eyebrows and nods back, slowly. Then he pulls his hand away and rubs his eyes. 

I give him a half smile and pull him into bed.

“Tomorrow. We will continue this tomorrow,” I whisper. He nods against my chest and shuts his eyes.

\---

Golden rays are lighting the room and the sun is high in the sky before either of us wake up. I let out a hiss at the sun and Simon shifts. 

I look down at his shirtless body and gulp. We are going to have to talk now. We are going to have to face the demons I hid in my closet (next to my sexuality and vampirism). Simon moves closer to me. His eyes are soft and I can’t tell if it’s the sun or just Snow but he’s glowing. He almost looks untouchable. Like he was molded from the rays of the sun and light from stars themself. His breath is warm against my neck when he pushes his head against it, moist breaths of air stealing air from my lungs. I suppress a laugh as he nods his head against me, lips brushing my skin, not quite kissing, just touching. This is going to be hard enough without Snow being cute. 

He cracks open an eye and grins at me. I smile back at him hesitantly, before pushing him off me lightly and getting off the bed. We aren’t going to end up talking much if he stays that close to me.

I pretend not to see the way his eyes widen as he watches me stretch. I pretend I don’t like it. 

\---

When I return from my shower Snow has shut the curtains and set out his clothes. Snow is never this organized. I pretend to dry my hair until I hear him close the bathroom door behind him. I change into my uniform and wait.

\---

Snow seems to be testing how long he can possibly take to wear the same uniform I’ve seen him wear in less than ten minutes. At one point I’m tempted to _Up and Ready_ his clothes on for him. He finally turns to me after tying his tie. (It’s all wrong too. It’s looped wrong and is longer in the back than at the front) 

“So…” He scratches the back of his neck and I sigh. Leave it to Snow to switch from that cocky bastard to this awkward disaster. I move forward and undo his tie. I see him gulp and I have to hold back the urge to bite his Adam's apple. 

He lets out a shaky breath as I tighten the tie and pat his shoulders. 

“After class?” I ask him, finally looking up. He nods slightly, a half grin interrupted as he bites his cheek. I lean down and kiss the spot before I can think and he stops. 

\---

The whole day seems longer than necessary. It’s like someone casts a _time slows down_ (the most useless spell known to man) on the castle.

I see Snow in between classes and during meals. He is usually with Penelope, or Agatha, or _someone_. He doesn’t stop staring at me during meals. And each time I look up Penelope is giving one of us a knowing smile. 

_Last class of the day: Political Science_

I pull out the seat next to me as Snow enters. I give him a long look then look away. I think I might faint if he sits next to me. I think I might faint if he doesn’t. It’s a lose, lose situation really but it’s Snow so it’s almost characteristic. 

He sits next to me and doesn’t stop grinning. I roll my eyes but neither of us says a word. After class is over, Snow turns to me, and I pretend not to notice him staring as I put my things away. After a moment Snow leaves and I let out a breath, suppressing a grin. 

I barely make it out the door before I notice Snow waiting outside, leaning against a pillar like he was made for it. I can’t stop myself from staring. His mess of hair is swaying lightly in the breeze: a golden crown. His teeth are worrying his bottom lip, leaving it a cherry pink. The cold has turned his face red and yet he is _here_. I think I’m going to kiss him again. 

He notices me after a moment and his face splits into a grin. And against my own will, I’m grinning too, almost wildly.

“Snow,” I say, that stupid grin insistent on my face. 

“Baz” His voice is soft yet rough in a way that screams Simon Snow. I don’t realize what I’m doing until I’ve reached forward and tugged him down. His lips are cold as ice yet ridiculously soft. His hands have settled on my cheeks. I feel his warmth surface the longer I kiss him. 

I pull away after a moment and he grins again. I’m so glad we are alone. 

\---

After we make our way back to the room, Simon settles himself on my bed, his arms clutching his knees to his chest as a thick shawl covers his body. I lean down and kiss his nose and he grins at me.

He hasn’t stopped grinning. I don’t think I have either. 

I close the windows and warm the room with _Getting warmer_ before settling down on his chair. 

“Did you mean everything you said?” I ask him. 

“Every word.”

“Why’d you kiss her again then?” 

“I had to know if what I felt was real, and that it wasn’t just a trick or the adrenalin,”

“That’s a bit ridiculous Snow,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s possible to lo-like more than one person at a time,”

Simon shrugged. 

“Why’d you leave?” I ask him again.

“Because I was scared. I didn’t know if I was making a mistake, and I was terrified of the feelings I discovered.”

I consider that for a moment then nod.

“Are you gay?” He asked me and I nodded.

“Are you?” 

He bit his cheek again, then looked up. “I don’t know” 

I didn’t say anything until his eyes fell to the floor.

“Do you-” I cleared my throat and turned away. The castle grounds were mostly empty, if not for the stray goat or couple. “Do you like me?” I asked him and then immediately felt silly.

“Yes,” He replied without hesitation.  
  
“Are you still afraid?”

“I’m always afraid,” He gave me an infamous Simon Snow smile. “Of the Humdrum, of magic, for Watford, For Penny, Agatha, you. I’m always afraid, Baz. But I’m also sure. I’m sure that I really like you and that I want to kiss you again, and again, and again, and until you’ll have me.”

“Fuck Simon,” He grinned at that again and I rolled my eyes. I moved towards him after a moment. He slipped out of the cocoon he had created for himself and tugged me closer. I placed my hands on the wall next to his head and furrowed my eyebrows. 

I leaned in slowly, letting him push me away the second he felt uncomfortable. His hands found their way into my hair and he pressed his lips against mine. His lips were insistent against mine. I groaned as he pulled me closer to him. 

Simon Snow was so so warm. He pushed me sideways until I was lying on his bed. His body curled itself above and around me. He held himself above me on his arm. He made me reach for him, again and again, a grin appearing on his lips as I gravitated towards him. 

The kisses grew more desperate and before I knew it he had pushed my shirt off my shoulders and was working on his own. I tugged his bottom lip with my teeth, relishing the way he groaned. 

If Simon Snow was the flame, then I would be the ash he left behind. 


End file.
